38 Things I’ve Learned in 38 years
Today’s my birthday YAY!! I say yay but with most birthdays that have passed in the last few years, I haven’t felt a feeling of jubilation or celebration. There’s been more of a sadness to each birthday. Not because I’m getting older (it is such an absolute privilege & blessing to be able to see another year), but because there’s just been this expectation that I should feel joyous every time it came around. And this year is especially hard (those who know know) as my personal life is in the midst of a huge transition.
With every birthday (as I assume I’m not the only one) there’s also feelings of ‘is this it?’ Is this what my life is supposed to look like at this age? I talked about the expectations we and society put upon each other with regards to ‘success’ and how at this age you’re supposed to have the house, the car, the kids, the good job & the holidays, but if you’re like me and you’re basically starting over in a foreign country it can feel like a lot and that your falling behind (read more of that here). BUT! I’m here! And I’ve made it this far so for me right now, that’s more than good enough!
At some point a few years ago I took a step back and was like ‘what is actually going on here’ because my life wasn’t feeling or looking like something I enjoyed anymore. So I prayed and asked for clarity and it came to me in droves in the form of realisations and revelations which have been pivotal in me taking charge of my life. I don’t know if the known adage ‘older and wiser’ can be applied but what I can say is that it’s taken a while for me to get here and despite the pain that’s come with it, I’m just grateful I can move forward knowing my life is worth more than what I was previously experiencing.
It’s always hard wrapping my head around the choices I’ve made that have led me to where I am and I keep on having to tell myself that ‘I am exactly where I need to be at this exact point in time’.
And I’m especially grateful for the people who have held me up during this particularly difficult period in my life and the undeniable strength it’s taken for me to pull through even though there are days I wanted to give up. I know I’ll look back at this time and be glad I did what I thought was right and with a clear conscience.
So in commemoration of new and beautiful beginnings, friendships and hope, I wanted to create a list of 38 things I’ve learned that have been pivotal in ‘this here journey called life.’ Now, I say that I’ve learned these things in 38 years but it’s pretty much been the last few years to be honest. Either way, here we are. You may have read or heard some of these phrases before, but a lot of them are a bloody good reminder to always remember how far I’ve come.
I am enough. Always was & always will be.
People can only meet you as far as they have met themselves.
I’ve learned to forgive myself for the things I didn’t know sooner and to give myself grace because wallowing in regret will get me nowhere.
You have to go through it to get through it (I like this one cause lawd! There is no moment in your life where time will stop, so feel the feels and you will get to the other side)
Being liked isn’t all it's cracked up to be. People pleasing will have you running in circles trying to please everyone. Stop that.
That the bravest thing I can do is believe in myself.
Isolating myself from those who love me when I’m going through a rough period will only leave me feeling more isolated. Reach out even when it hurts to do so and share what you’re going through so they understand & do what they can in their own capacity.
Staying silent when I’m being disrespected will only lead to more disrespect. Letting people know what you will not tolerate will quickly weed out those who aimed to harm you in the first place.
I’ve learned to not be afraid to stand up for myself even if my voice shakes.
It’s healthy to have boundaries and limits.
I am a flawed human being who is constantly learning and figuring shit out. Don’t let anyone make you feel less because of it.
I will be too much for some people. Those people are not my people.
I’ve learned that I really love being a Black woman. What a blessing!
I’ve learned that I can change my mind if a situation, place, relationship or job are no longer healthy for me.
I’ve learned that NO is a full ass sentence and whoever can’t handle your no is too comfortable abusing your yes.
I’ve learned to choose myself every time.
I’ve learned that gaslighting is real!
Shaming & guilting myself (or being shamed and guilted) into action will never be sustainable.
I’ve learned that everything that is done in the dark, always comes to light.
I’ve learned that my role is not to be liked by people who don’t even like themselves.
You are under no obligation to remain the same to make people comfortable.
That I don’t have to pretend to be happy when I’m not. Every feeling is valid & speaking up when you need to is important and needed.
I’ve learned that if you’re afraid of speaking up in a relationship then that relationship probably isn’t a good fit for you.
It’s ok to leave the party early.
I’ve learned that silent treatment is a form of manipulation and control. Don’t fall for it.
I really like spending time alone.
And even though I like spending time alone, I’ve also learned that I enjoy spending time with people with good energy and vibes
I’ve learned that dancing truly liberates my soul
I’ve learned that motherhood is the best thing that could have ever happened to me For real though! The realisations, transitions, the strength, the self assuredness that has been borne thanks to becoming a mom? Wild!
My worth is not tied to anyone or anything.
I’ve learned to love myself unconditionally (ok this is a continuous work in progress but we’ll get there)
I am allowed to rest.
Family and friends are the real MVP’s! Big ups to the people who have pulled me out of some dark places and offered me love & support even on the days I felt I didn’t deserve it.
I’m learning (because it still isn’t a given yet) to live in MY truth. Whatever that may look & feel like.
I like spoiling myself and dolling myself up every now and again as it makes me feel pretty & is a huge mood lifter.
That other peoples opinion of me is none of my business.
I can be and do anything I want in this life. Limiting beliefs have no place here.
I’m doing the best I can with the information I have right now & so I will give myself grace always.
You might also enjoy
Leave a Comment
