I really pressured myself to get this post out before the end of last year. I was like ‘this is what everyone does you know and that’s what you’re supposed to do right? When you have a blog? Make sure you get that last post of the year in before it’s too late?’ But here we are. Four days in and easing into the ‘new year’ (I put new year in inverted commas cause it really is depending on who you ask) while taking it just like another day in this here thing called life.

The past year was trying for many. And the emotional rollercoaster was almost debilitating. It’s easy & common for us to focus on all the things that didn’t go right, the things we would have done differently, and how we wish we would have acted in certain situations, lingering on the moments that weren’t so pleasant and the heartache that came with it. And then wallow in sadness because we coulda, woulda, shoulda done a lot of things..

As I’m sure we’ve all come to notice, around this time on social media there’s a surge of posts highlighting peoples wins in the past year. I used to (& sometimes still do) feel a mix of emotions but mostly sadness because my year didn’t look anywhere near the same as theirs. And it can induce a sense of not being or doing enough because the culture and society we live in today is all about ‘showing’, ‘accomplishing’ and being ‘booked & busy’. Like we haven’t made progress, or we haven’t done BIG things that elicit a round of applause and a pat on the back. So if you feel like all you did was survive, this can feel like a lot.

But on the other hand, and this is where I needed to take a step back and be like look, ‘this is exactly what it is, a highlight reel’. Of course people are going to talk about the things that they accomplished and brought them joy. And good for them for doing so. Because no one is hardly ever posting the times they were curled up in bed crying their eyes out (although it’s nice to see this is changing as people are becoming more open, vulnerable and honest about their life experiences).

If you’re not going to big up yourself when something great happens to you then who else is going to? And what I like to think is that it gives me hope to do & work towards the things that I want because if they can do it, so can I. There are enough people out there who will tell you you should not, or can’t, or won’t be great so do what makes you happy. Whether it be celebrating yourself online or off. And I also think that’s where another problem comes into play. If you do celebrate your wins it can often be seen as showing off by people who wish they were you, could have your success/job or are just insecure. Jealousy is rife and not everyone wishes you well. That shouldn’t stop you though. Go on and do you bb!

Figuring out what I want and how I’m going to get it has been a big obstacle to tackle this year. Especially this year. And I’ve had to reassure myself that I can do it time and time again because I deserve good things (we all do by the way don’t let anyone tell you otherwise), and to create a life that is joyful, peaceful, abundant and easeful. It’s about taking small steps, believing you can and jump. Your journey and your progress will not look like anyone else’s. And there’s beauty in that.

This post is where I decided to take a chance on myself & I’m proud of myself for doing so.

I’m not one for making new year resolutions but up until recently, I am for reflecting and looking at the things I did do well and the things I can improve without beating myself up about it. I used to hate looking back at the year that was because I often felt like I didn’t do enough. Like my life wasn’t where it should be and I was constantly failing. So why bother? However, with a reframe and new found way of thinking thanks to a lot of reflection & a little help from some very beautiful souls, I do want to acknowledge my wins however big or small because at the end of the day, they motivate me to want to experience more of the good things life has to offer. But also still knowing that there will be difficult days and rolling with it.

I recently watched a video with this guy saying this whole new year resolution thing is a farce. As humans who are currently living in a capitalistic system, it often feels like we are not allowed any down time. And setting goals for when the clock strikes 12 on December 31st to then rush into the new year with said goals is a recipe for failure.

He went on to say we used to follow natures rhythm. Winter in the northern hemisphere was a time for hibernation and restoration. So taking this time to slowly reflect on the year that was, take care of your body and rest as best you can if your work and daily life can allow you to, because no ones asking you to quit your job, these bills won’t pay themselves. Then set your intentions in the spring, when the trees & flowers start blooming, and the birds & animals come out from hibernation.

I get it. And it’s interesting to see how easy we’ve blindly followed a system that dictates how one should welcome in the new year; with resolutions, a go, go, go, attitude and no down time. Instead I’m taking a different approach to the whole ‘new year, new me’ mantra. Finding ways to really ease into it and set my intentions later on, when nature intended.

So in the spirit of reflection & acknowledging my wins, I wanted to take a look back and make a mental and visual note of the things that happened that were joyful and the hopes I have for the year & years to come I have on this earth.

Going back home & a one in a lifetime experience

The year stated off heavy. I had to travel back home in January for a family emergency. It was one of the scariest moments of my family’s & my life. It really put things into perspective for me and thankfully, everything turned out well. The amount of support and outpouring of love for our family during this time was incredible and the friends that stood behind and helped us was beautiful to experience and see.

It made me realize the beauty in community, in friends you call family & support. Coming out of a pretty dark season with Post partum depression and anxiety where being around or seeing people was a no, no, this short period of coming together was restorative.

Despite it being a time of much anxiety, stress and fear, I got to be with family, eat good food, meet old friends & generally feel loved. And in that time, I managed to experience something beautiful. I got to visit Giraffe Manor with my baby girl! It wasn’t something we had actually planned to do but in the midst of what was going on was a welcome respite to step back and be in the present. My oldest sister who worked there managed to get us in one sunny afternoon & it was amazing. The unbridled joy I felt was unmatched. I honestly don’t think I’ve felt that type of joy in such a long time it was much needed for a whole manner of reasons. So not only did we manage to see my daughters favourite animal the Giraffe (aka Gigi) but it allowed me to also create a beautiful memory for the both of us.

And it’s moments like this, and every other smaller moment filled with little joys and pleasures that help make you really appreciate the little things.

We (and by we I mean me) always think we have time, time to do the things we want to do, see the places we want to see and live the lives we want to live. But what we (and I still mean me) don’t realize is tomorrow is never promised. And this is a sentiment I’ve talked about on here. Life will continue to happen & none of us knows how long we’re here for. Yet we procrastinate, fear and doubt ourselves because of the opinions we have of ourselves, or the opinions thrust at us by others. This year for me was a turning point in realizing that I do have the power to change the things that no longer serve me and try to find joy in places and people that cultivate that.

Solo-ish trip

I took some time out for me again (albeit with my baby girl not too far behind) and booked a trip to Geneva to see family and a very dear friend whose friendship we rekindled this year (hey Nanci!).

It was something that was on my vision board : more staycations! And although I wasn’t able to do a bunch of them as originally planned, I’m happy I made this one happen.

I managed to do the same last year which did such a world of good for my heart and soul. I remember telling myself afterwards ‘more of this Tasha’ & I’m so happy I made it a point to do again. Taking the time to pour into you and go on holiday when you need to is a privilege we shouldn’t take for granted. If you have the means do it.

The trip was filled with family outings, good food, good conversation & rest which couldn’t have come at a better time. You can see a quick roundup of what we got up to here.

Starting a blog

2022 was the year I decided to take a chance on myself and start a blog! If you know me personally, you know I’ve spoken about starting a blog for AGES! It was something I always wanted to do but for fear of a lot of things I put it off.

So this year I said enough. Enough of shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. Enough of believing you don’t have anything to say. Enough of bottling down your words and creativity because of self doubt. And so I took the plunge! It’s honestly been one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long while. Because ultimately this is for me, providing myself with a creative outlet and gaining confidence in myself and my abilities. And I’m so glad I did cause this is only the beginning!

Investing in myself

I had been talking to a therapist for a while (another big accomplishment cause mental health is important people), but felt like I needed something or someone else to point me in the direction when it came to figuring a way forward and out of the hole I found myself in. So I started seeing a life coach. Can you say life changing??

You’ve probably heard me sing Nyachomba’s praises one way or another but she has been the light and support that I needed, and I truly believe she was sent to me by some otherworldly entity cause the timing could not have been more right.

I remember following her from her Kurly Kichana days and thinking ‘she looks like such a cool person I want to be her friend’ and many years later, here we are!

We don’t talk about it enough but having someone in your corner who can hold your hand during the difficult moments, moments of doubt and fear, who won’t judge you but instead encourage you is life changing. Her approach and guidance have helped me realize a lot of things about myself but most importantly that essentially, there is nothing wrong with me. For years I’ve had this drummed into me like the way I was living my life was wrong and I needed to be different. I internalised this message and it manifested in ways like being inauthentic, shutting down, not speaking up and living on autopilot.

She taught me that taking small steps to get to where you want to be and being kind to yourself are so vital in believing you can do anything. And letting go of shame and guilt about the things you’ve been told about yourself will lead to living in your truth.

If you’re looking for some guidance or just just need a nudge in the right direction please give her a look up! You can find her website here.

Going bald

This year I also decided I had had enough of worrying about what to do with my hair and shaved it all off. And what a wow! The freedom and lightness that came with it! Freedom in not having to think about what protective style to do every 3 months, freedom of not giving a damn about society’s (and my own views) of what beauty looks and feels like, freedom of my own expression and freedom of just being.

It’s liberating to be honest and a big step in regaining confidence in myself and my decisions. I can’t thank me enough for making this pivotal and beautiful decision. It’s also made me have a very different view of how I perceive myself and my idea of feeling beautiful. It always starts with you & not how someone else views you. And going bald helped me understand that.

I’m definitely going to write a whole post about this so watch this space!

Visually documenting my life

Ever since giving birth to my daughter I’ve documented a lot. Be it in writing or pictures. And not to say that I wasn’t doing it before but now it’s 10 times more! Any mother/parent can testify that their phone is full of pictures of their baby and this has helped me also remember moments I would have otherwise forgotten. Thank you technology! It’s been a joy looking back at all those pictures and remembering how I felt in that moment and what I was going through. This is something I will definitely continue doing for myself cause watching yourself evolve through the years through video or pictures is pretty awesome.

I hope you managed to cultivate or experience moments of joy throughout the year, no matter what that looked and felt like for you. And my hope for all of us is to continue finding little pockets of joy to sustain us and keep us going well into the new year and beyond.

And before I go, I also want to also say thank you! Thank you for following me on this messy journey of self discovery, trial and error, courage and stepping into the unknown. Thank you for the encouragement, for hyping me up when I needed it most & for baring witness to a new chapter that I know will bare fruit to beautiful things. Ya’ll are the real MVP’s!

So here’s to us. All of us and doing the best we can with what we got! x

Not so end of year round up

Life Lately

Period panties, menses & controversy